gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
