the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
