I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
