And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
