watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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