I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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