Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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