somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize