i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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