the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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