If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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