Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
