He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
