Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
