I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
