I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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