He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
