I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
