Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
