I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
