Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
