I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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