You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
