Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
