Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
