Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
