somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
