i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
