Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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