I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
