I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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