Umm I'm too high to move.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
