i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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