I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
True college students do jello shots in the library
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
