I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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