dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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