I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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