I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
