Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
