is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
