either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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