I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
