I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
