It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
