So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
