It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
