Need sex. Gaining weight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
