I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
