It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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