someone threw a dead crab at me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
