Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
