i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
