Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
