I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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