My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
