she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
