I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
