I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize