"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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