So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
