The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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