belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
