dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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