so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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