I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
