She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
