hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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