the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
