I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You can't just leave with hair like that
Bring me that man meat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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