Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
