At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Mom said you looked used
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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