I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
