I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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