My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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